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May. 19th, 2015

koolaid

One-question personality quiz.

If you knew you would be exactly as interesting in ten years as you are now, you would find that:

Gratifying
2(11.1%)
As expected
8(44.4%)
Horrifying
7(38.9%)
Something else I will explain in comments.
1(5.6%)

Apr. 19th, 2015

tapir

A few thoughts on playing with the Sony a7 ii.

http://www.lightspacewonder.com/index.php/blog/few-thoughts-sony-a7-ii/

Since there aren't comments over there, you're welcome to comment here.

(There's also a ring-tailed lemur.)

Apr. 14th, 2015

Kill and eat

Continuing Ed Class Decisions

So, the reason you haven't been seeing much in the way of posting from me lately is I'm working on a new website, and I haven't really seen the point of blogging on the old one. Blog posts from the new one are going to be more focused on art-related things, and here's the first one, talking about the decisions the MCAD Continuing Ed summer schedule has presented me with. http://www.lightspacewonder.com/index.php/blog/continuing-education-class-decisions/

The rest of the new website is still something of a mess, but you can poke around if you want.

Feb. 3rd, 2015

dessert

Gelato Blogging.

mrissa gave me a gelato machine as an early birthday present, and I suspect it's going to become a Thing. I'm blogging about it on Tumblr.

Jan. 8th, 2015

M*A*S*H signs

Road trip photos

I’m working on new website stuff, but it’s going slowly, and I thought it’s past time I showed the photos from my very productive November/December road trip. All are embiggenable.

Cut for being huge. 36 Photos.Collapse )

Dec. 20th, 2014

Robin

Rob won Christmas.

So, Rob made me a thing for Christmas. (For the new folks, Rob is my twelve-year-old godson.)

Rob model 1
Rob model 2

It's a fully posable wandering wire artist's dummy, and pretty much the best Christmas present ever. It is art for making art, and would be pretty high on the best things to get for me list in the first place, even without all of the extra points for Rob showing how well he knows me and how much he cares, and that he can do a pretty great thing I had no idea he was even trying. I'm amazed.

Dec. 18th, 2014

g'kar

Five years (and a bit) review.

So I was wandering around my LJ archive tonight and ran into this post from late 2009, about procrastination and productivity. And I thought it would be interesting to look at it from five years later, and see how much of what I thought was fundamental has changed, and how much hasn't. I'm a lot happier now than I was then, and from here the post seems like it's full of insights that mattered.


0) There exists no state where I will be satisfied with my level of productivity. Nor can I imagine ever looking up and saying "hey, look at all the things I've done, I'm totally awesome." This is insight zero because it is a fundamental and unchanging axiom of the Timproverse. It can only be worked with.

Interestingly, this isn't completely gone, but it's much smaller now. I'm still never going to be satisfied with my level of productivity, but I'm much less anxious about it. And I do actually look up and think about how awesome the things I've done are on a regular basis; it turns out that making them really big and hanging them on the wall helps quite a lot.

1) My goals tend to be chained. This is probably a problem. Example: right now I want to play poker so that I can make money so that I can buy a new ultrawide lens so that I can take more good photos so that I can have more content for the new blog I keep hoping to get going, so that it will be cool. Everything in there involves both confidence and work, which means that there are a ton of potential failure points building up to put a lot of pressure on a pretty trivial first step.

This has been far less of a problem, largely because I've found ways to be content and productive on a tighter budget than I anticipated. I bought that ultrawide lens, and it turned out that it was the last major thing that I needed for a long time. I do a lot of my architectural work, and almost all of The Reader, with it. I'm still not good at the final step of actually getting things out once I've made them, but I'm improving, and it's not like I don't still need projects for the future.

1a) I don't really have any bright ideas for what to do about that. I can't play poker for its own sake; I can't make money for its own sake; most other things require money. It's almost like I've tried too hard to motivate myself in this direction and I'm overthrowing, to use a baseball analogy. It's easy to say "motivate yourself to work by focusing on something you want to do with the money," but that seems to have become pathological.

This is still here. I actually have some hopes of the photography I want to do being financially successful in the near future, though, which should help.

2) There's not all that much that I actually enjoy that isn't productive, when it comes down to it. I enjoy having smart and funny conversations with people I like. I enjoy traveling, though I expect that to be at least semiproductive these days. I enjoy wandering about in the woods by myself, ditto. I enjoy consuming some forms of entertainment, mostly books, dining out, and concerts, though I consume a great deal more entertainment than I enjoy.

100% still true. "I consume a great deal more entertainment than I enjoy" is still one of the big issues I'm working on.

2a) I spend a remarkable amount of time killing time. Part of this is just disability-related and I'm at stuck with it at least for the time being. I can't convince myself that it all is; possibly this is my one point of blind optimism.

I think we can be sure it wasn't just disability-related at this point, at least the physical disability that is largely in the past. The disability - or maybe alternate-ability - that is living in my brain still counts. I keep fighting this battle, and sometimes I even make progress. At least I've beaten it back far enough to have made a lot of worthwhile things in the last few years.

3) The one thing I enjoy above everything else is that immediately post-creation moment where I realize that I've made something really awesome.

Yep.

3a) I have impossibly high standards for myself.

Yep.

4) The #2 thing is being genuinely helpful to the people I care a great deal about.

Yep.

4a) I have impossibly high standards for myself.

Yep. (However, I've gotten much more skilled at both of these things, which makes me happy.)

5) I've had very bad burnout experiences, and would strongly prefer to avoid them in the future. I may be overcompensating.

I definitely was at the time. I almost never think about this now.

6) A while ago I lost a long-time friend who had an exceptional talent for preventing me from running headlong in the wrong direction. That's something I have a significant tendency to do, and I relied on her a great deal. Without that safety net, I'm finding myself extremely averse to taking bold action in any way. I've been unsuccessful in finding someone else to do that; a few people are good at it, but no one close to that good. Convincing her to return to that role seems fantastically unlikely, though I can't say I haven't thought of trying. I keep trying to think of a solution that doesn't require putting that responsibility on someone else.

Thinking of her was why I ended up looking at this post again. Thinking of all the things I did poorly to contribute to her not being here anymore, which I've done a lot of in the years since, and figuring out how not to repeat those mistakes in the future, has really helped me run in better directions, though less than headlong. And being conscious of #4, and tying those lessons into #4. I feel much more competently self-directed now, although I'm still working on the moving forward consistently part.

I'm marveling a bit at how much of a huge deal this was five years ago. I remember that vividly, I was just completely lost. And I can't really even put a finger on how it changed, but now it seems like a whole different universe.

7) I dislike special attention intensely. I'm not sure how to explain this. The things I'm reading seem to tie this sort of behavior into feeling unworthy, but it's not that for me. Worthy almost makes it worse. Oh, I know what it is - I don't despise attention, I despise prestige. That insight may make this whole post worthwhile.

That insight has indeed been extremely useful. I've put a lot of effort into defining success by the things I make and not by the world's reaction to them.

8) Just to end this on a positive note, one of the common threads of everything I read about fear of success is a fear that your friends won't like you if you're successful, that they will be jealous, and in some cases that everyone will abandon you. I have way more confidence in you guys than that.

This is still true, and I still appreciate it.

Dec. 13th, 2014

dessert

It's Santa Lucia Day.

And this year I feel more optimistic about the sun coming back than ever before. When I posted that on Facebook I didn't bother saying metaphorically, because I thought that was obvious, and then Jon Singer came along and thought I maybe knew something about the sun that I wasn't telling anyone. So: metaphorically. Things have been going very well for me lately, and the winter ahead looks like a fun adventure rather than a desperate slog. I'm home from the massive-and-excellent road trip, and readjusting. I'm spending a lot of time processing, and also finishing my photos.

Some of you are new enough here you haven't encountered mrissa's annual Lucia Day posts, which are the best thing, and some of you may have missed them. Here's this year's, and it links to the previous ones.

Nov. 22nd, 2014

M*A*S*H signs

Some early trip photos.

For those of you who aren't on Twitter or FB, a few photos I've posted there over the last few days. Not necessarily the best so far, just what I've felt like. These are a long way from final edits.
Cut since most of you will have seen these already.Collapse )

Nov. 18th, 2014

tapir

Some Tamron zoo photos

I took the new lens to the zoo this morning for a little bit of practice before I go. Thought I’d share some unedited examples. Click them for larger versions.


Bailey Tamron Tamron 1 Tamron 3 Tamron 4 Tamron 5 Tamron 6 Tamron 7 Tamron 8 Tamron 9 Tamron 10 Tamron 11 Tamron 12 Tamron 13




Originally published at CREATE. EVALUATE. ITERATE.

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