A while back a friend suggested writing a song to inspire a certain editor of our acquaintance to move through his submissions more quickly.
This probably isn’t it.
Lyrics:
A baby slushpile is a lot like a new kitten
You bring it home thinking that you will play all day
But the truth you’ll find instead: it spends all its time hiding under your bed
And soon you’ll be content to let it stay.There are lots of things to do with your pet slushpile
You can wash it, wax it, pet it, clothe and feed it
You can take it to the park or snuggle up with it in the dark
But you must never ever ever ever read it.A young slushpile is surely like a puppy
You’ll wish that you could stop it peeing on your floor
And just to make sure you know how much it desperately wants to grow
It won’t stop barking when the mailman’s at your door.An adolescent slushpile’s somewhat like a corn snake
(You may have noticed an uncanny lack of mice)
Be sure to keep its shedded skin so you know how the books begin
And keep it warm by laying on a plot device.A grown-up slushpile is mighty like a parrot
You’ll hear it talking in the middle of the night
And when you send it on its way it will repeat everything you say
So the best policy’s to keep your mouth shut tight.In middle age a slushpile’s rather like a gibbon
Who could anticipate that they’d become so loud?
While you try to drink your tea it’ll glare at you from up in a tree
But the pace it keeps will surely make you proud.At the end a slushpile’s awfully like a hamster
They draw conclusions after just a year or two
And though I know you’ll take it hard when you bury it in your backyard
When you’re done you go and get one fresh and new.There are lots of things to do with your pet slushpile
You can wash it, wax it, pet it, clothe and feed it
You can take it to the park or snuggle up with it in the dark
But you must never ever ever ever
never ever ever ever
never ever ever ever read it.